


Crossroads

by flaggermousse



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Established Relationship, First War with Voldemort, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, POV Regulus Black, Siblings, not much but still
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-12 12:55:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28760643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flaggermousse/pseuds/flaggermousse
Summary: It had all seemed simpler back at school. Back then, Regulus had sat with the other Slytherins and talked about the Dark Lord, and agreed that his ideas seemed perfectly reasonable; overthrowing the muggles, giving wizards back the power they ought to have.It wasn’t that far from the views he had grown up with. A bit more … forceful, perhaps, but grand changes could not be made by words alone. It had seemed right, natural even, when he took the Mark alongside his friends.... now he only felt small and scared. Mother and father would certainly not understand his growing unease, and there were no friends to turn to.So Regulus had snuck out into Muggle London, trying to retrace his steps to the one time he had visited the place. Turning a corner, he recognised it. A completely ordinary muggle building with muggle flats.This was where Sirius lived.
Relationships: Regulus Black & Remus Lupin, Regulus Black & Sirius Black, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 25
Kudos: 160





	Crossroads

Regulus pulled at his coat collar, trying to hide just a little bit more of his face. He was well aware that he looked out of place here in Muggle London; it was a warm summer evening, and most of the people around him were wearing T-shirts, not long, traditional coats with embroideries. The sun had dipped below the horizon, giving place to a now waning moon in the still bright sky. A couple of the muggles stared, but they were not the ones he needed to hide from.

Mother and father didn’t ask questions anymore when he disappeared at odd hours. He was carrying out an important duty; he wasn’t a school kid at anymore; he was a man fighting in war. But if he ran into any of his comrades …

Regulus stopped at a street corner, trying to remember the way. He had only been there once, but the streets _seemed_ familiar. Muggle streets, full of little shops selling muggle things, pubs where muggles drank, flats where muggles lived. Their kind didn’t belong here; the only reason Regulus should be walking these streets ought to be to set these buildings ablaze, preferably with the muggles still inside.

Even in the warm summer evening, Regulus felt cold at the thought.

It had all seemed simpler back at school. Back then, he had sat with the other Slytherins and talked about the Dark Lord, and agreed that his ideas seemed perfectly reasonable. Muggles were muggles by simply _lacking_ magic; they were weaker and lesser than wizards. The history books in the library and at home told of how the muggles had killed any witch or wizard they could find, eventually driving them all into hiding. The people preaching about accepting these lesser beings, befriending these enemies … clearly their views were formed out of fear and cowardice. They did not have the strength, the vision that the Dark Lord had; overthrowing the muggles, giving wizards back the power they ought to have.

It had seemed reasonable back then. It wasn’t that far from the views he had grown up with. A bit more … forceful, perhaps, but grand changes could not be made by words alone. It had seemed right, natural even, when he took the Mark alongside his friends. He was going to help change the world. Mother and father had been so proud, and he had been too.

But now he only felt small and scared; like a pathetic child needing a parent to hold his hand and reassure him. But mother and father had never been like that, and they would certainly not understand his growing unease. There were no friends to turn to, and Regulus couldn’t burden poor, old Kreacher with this; the elf was curled up in his nest in pain and exhaustion.

So Regulus had snuck out into Muggle London, trying to retrace his steps to the one time he had visited the place, the last time he saw his brother. Turning a corner, he recognised it. A completely ordinary muggle building with muggle flats.

This was where Sirius lived.

At least Regulus hoped so. He hadn’t spoken to his brother in two years; he had no way of knowing if Sirius had moved on. Regulus stepped into the side street and tried to recall which door was the correct one.

He had only been here once before. Sirius had inherited a good deal of gold when uncle Alphard died, and immediately used it to get a place of his own. Mother had been furious at how ‘her own brother had sided with blood-traitors’ and burned uncle Alphard off the family tree, just as she had done with Sirius.

Sirius had invited him over not long after, and Regulus had gotten Kreacher to cover for him to sneak off. Kreacher didn’t like lying to mother, but Regulus was his favourite, and he had agreed to do it. It had been an awkward visit. Back then, he was still somewhat bitter that Sirius had left it all; his role, his duty, his brother … The conversation had been stilted as they both tried to avoid uncomfortable topics, and it became clearer than ever that they were heading down different paths.

That was the last time he had seen his brother.

Regulus stepped up to the door and knocked hard three times.

There were sudden sounds from within the flat, as if his knocking had called the inhabitant to action. Rapid footsteps came closer and then stopped on the other side of the door, before someone demanded: “Who’s there?”

That wasn’t Sirius’ voice, but Regulus recognised it immediately. It was Lupin.

Back at school, Regulus had found it ridiculous when he first figured out exactly who Sirius was dating. Lupin was half-blood, his family was nothing, and worst of all, he was a guy. No chance of Sirius continuing the family-line with him. It was as if his brother had made a checklist of everything about a partner that could piss off their parents.

Back then, Regulus had kept the secret, hoping his brother would come to his senses. For some reason Lupin broke it off with Sirius right before school ended, and Regulus hoped that maybe that would be it. But that very same summer Sirius ran off, so it didn’t really matter in the end.

Apparently they found back to each other in their last school year, and had stayed together since.

Later, once Regulus had graduated and joined the Dark Lord, Severus had spilled the secret to him about what kind of _creature_ Sirius was sleeping with. A couple of years earlier, it would have been the worst mark against Lupin. But now Sirius was already gone and burned of the family-tree, and mother and father rarely mentioned him. It didn’t matter anymore.

“Who’s there, identify yourself!”

“R-Regulus Black.”

No reply came from the flat following this piece of information. Lupin was probably considering whether to attack him or not. A Death Eater suddenly knocking on the door of some of Dumbledore’s allies, obviously that would look like a trap. Regulus hurried to continue: “I – I need to speak to Sirius.”

“… why?” There was a cold tone in Lupin’s voice.

“I – I just-” Regulus sighed. “Is he at home?”

There was a slight hesitation; it wasn’t wise to admit to the enemy that you were alone. Lupin instead repeated his own question: “ _Why_ do you want to speak to him?”

Regulus chewed his lip. He hadn’t even thought this far, he had been driven by a pathetic need for help or advice. A ridiculous idea, really. He had imagined that Sirius could slam the door in his face, but he hadn’t really accounted for the possibility that he might not be at home.

This was a mistake. He shouldn’t be here at a traitor’s doorstep, shouldn’t waver in his loyalty to the Dark Lord. Lupin was probably summoning reinforcements; any moment a Patronus would run off to get help. Regulus turned and began hurrying down the side street. He’d just disappear into the crowd and go home; no one would know he had been here.

A door slammed open behind him. Regulus turned, getting out his wand to counter any curse that would come his way. But none came. Lupin had one hand on the door handle; the other pointed the wand at Regulus. They stood there, both of them ready to attack, but neither made the move.

Regulus didn’t know how long the standoff lasted, but at last Lupin lowered his wand, and gestured towards the light coming from the flat. “Come inside.”

* * *

The flat looked nothing like Grimmauld Place. No old-fashioned draperies, expensive artefacts or oil-paintings of Black ancestors scrutinising their descendants. It was small; lacking a proper hallway, the front door opened right into what had to be the living room. An old Gryffindor-banner hung askew on the wall; one of the nails holding it up had fallen out. There were clothes draped over the sofa, some of them spilling onto the floor, and dirty dishes at the counter of the kitchen corner. There was no house-elf to help with the chores here.

The moving photos on the walls were the only signs that wizards lived there. Regulus spotted Sirius’ friends grinning from several polaroid-photos. One of the framed photographs hanging over the sofa was clearly Lupin’s parents. The elderly couple in the other one it looked like the Potters. There was none of him, mother or father. Regulus wasn’t surprised.

Lupin didn’t turn his back to him as he closed the door behind them, and he didn’t put his wand away. In the light of the flat, Regulus could see how drained and tired he looked. There were dark rings under his eyes, and fresh bandages on his neck and left hand. There had been a full moon last night.

“Why do you want to talk to Sirius?”

“Uhm. When will he be back?” Regulus swallowed. “I just thought I could talk to _him_ ab-”

“The _only_ reason I let you in is because Sirius still has a soft spot for his baby brother. If it had been your parents at our door I would have hexed their faces off.” If Lupin’s voice had seemed cold before, it was freezing now. “So if you’re here to spout the same cruel, bigoted, _disgusting_ shit as them, I want you out of here before Sirius gets home. _Why do you want to talk with him?_ ”

So protective. So furious on Sirius’ behalf. Part of Regulus was glad that his brother had found someone who clearly cared for him. Another was hurt that Lupin felt the need to protect Sirius from _him_. Regulus put his wand back in his pocket, hoping to appear less threatening.

“… things have happened, and I – I don’t know – there’s no one I-” It was true. There was no one else he could turn to. Merlin, he felt so pathetic. “I’ve realised …” He looked down at his left arm. It didn’t hurt anymore, hadn’t for months. “… I … I think I’ve made a mistake.”

The silence stretched on, until he looked back up. Lupin sighed.

“Do you want tea?”

* * *

Lupin still didn’t turn his back to him as he waved his wand at the kettle. He gestured towards the sofa, so Regulus moved some of the clothes scattered over it and sat down.

“… when will Sirius be back?”

“He _should_ have been here over an hour ago. When you knocked, I thought it was him.”

Lupin couldn’t quite hide the concern in his voice. An hour’s delay could be nothing … or maybe Sirius had gotten into some sort of trouble. Trouble with _Regulus’_ friends, perhaps.

Soon enough, the tea was done. Lupin opened the kitchen cabinet and got two cups. They had a silly-looking pattern of _dog tracks_ on them, for some reason. Another flick of the wand, and the kettle poured by itself. Regulus had never bothered to learn many domestic spells; he was a Black, they had house elves, they didn’t need to prepare their own food.

“Sugar?”

“No, thank you.”

Lupin passed the cup to Regulus. Picking up his own cup, he proceeded to pour in a large helping straight from the sugar bowl. He took a sip and sat down on one of the chairs opposite Regulus. He still hadn’t let go of his wand. Regulus couldn’t really blame him.

Through the window, he could see the sky slowly darken. Where was Sirius? What if something had happened to him? And if he was alright, if he came home, what then? What could Regulus say to him, he hadn’t seen him in nearly two years, and then he just showed up to … beg for help? How could Sirius even help him, why had he come here-

“I haven’t poisoned that tea, you know.”

When Lupin’s dry voice snapped him out of his contemplations, Regulus almost dropped the cup. “Oh – no, I just, uh-” He took a large swig to stop himself from rambling.

Drinking was a short distraction from the situation; waiting in awkward silence with a man he didn’t really know. Regulus couldn’t remember actually talking to Lupin much. They’d never shared any classes at school, and belonged to vastly different social circles. Sirius was their _one_ connection, and though they were both deeply intertwined in his life, it was from two different sides. The family ties and history his brother had tried to sever, and the friends and cause he chose to fight for.

Lupin studied him. “So. This … _mistake_ you’ve made …”

Regulus sighed. “I don’t know … how much he’s told you about – about home.”

“He’s told me enough.” There was a flash of anger in Lupin’s eyes.

Regulus nodded. “There’s always been a path laid down for us, and I’ve followed it.” Ever since he could remember he’d done what was expected of him. When he was younger, it was just the way it was. The only kids he spent any time with were from the right families; rich, pureblood, sharing his parents’ views. Anyone different was cast out and rarely spoken off again. “It’s not easy to- stray from that, to …”

 _To leave._ It was hard to say it. No one knew he was here; none of his comrades were around to hear those traitorous words, but still …

“ _Sirius_ left.”

Regulus wondered if Lupin knew legilimency, or perhaps his thoughts were just painted all over his face. He sighed. “He was always a rebel.”

A small smile appeared on Lupin’s face; the first he had seen this evening. “That he is.”

Before Sirius left for school, Regulus had just thought of him as his older brother. A playmate, someone to look up to … or to hide behind when the grown-ups argued. He had seemed much like the other kids Regulus knew. But there had been something inside him even back then, and the damn hat had spotted it right away. It placed him in Gryffindor and helped him take the first step to break away from it all. It had put Regulus in Slytherin. Where he was supposed to be, and he’d followed that path ever since.

“Perhaps it’s too late.” Regulus put the teacup down. “To- change things, maybe I’m too late-”

“I don’t know.” Lupin shrugged a little. “Still, might be worth a try.”

* * *

There was a knock at the door.

Lupin jumped up from the chair, and shoved his cup onto the table. Regulus barely managed to rescue it before it fell to the floor. For the first time, Lupin turned his back to Regulus. He was pointing his wand at the door.

“Who’s there?”

“It’s me, Moony.”

Regulus could see some of the tension leave Lupin at the sound of the familiar voice, but he continued the questioning, not lowering his wand. “Where did we first kiss?”

“The Astronomy Tower.” He could hear the smile in Sirius’ words. “When was the first full moon we spent together?”

Lupin hesitated slightly, and Regulus decided to just take his cup, down the rest of his tea and pretend he didn’t know why full moons were significant. Inside him, this new information became a flood of questions. They spent the full moons _together?_ What kind of ridiculous dangers was Sirius getting into for his partner; the werewolf could tear him apart! Lupin replied with ‘September 1975’, so it had apparently been going on for several years. _How?_

Lupin opened the door, and Sirius crossed the threshold in one stride, pulled him into his arms and kissed him. He hadn’t changed much in the last two years. The long black hair fell past his shoulders now. There were scorch marks on his jacket, bruises on his face and dried blood trailed down from a cut above his eye.

“Sorry I’m late, Moony. We ran into a bit of trouble.”

“Is anyone-”

“No. Not tonight, but it was a near enough thing. The bastards surprised us at-”

“Sirius,” Lupin cut him off, “we have a guest.”

Sirius blinked, and then looked over Lupin’s shoulder and into the living room. His eyes landed on Regulus, and he froze. Regulus wondered what it was he saw. A brother paying an unexpected visit, or an enemy sneaking into their home. Was there a difference? He put the teacup down and rose from the sofa.

“Hello, Sirius.”

“… _Reg_.”

Lupin freed himself from Sirius’ embrace and closed the front door before heading over to the kitchen corner. He gave them a bit of space, but didn’t leave the room nor let go off his wand. Sirius just stared at Regulus. This wasn’t a time for meaningless pleasantries, awkwardly stepping around all the damaged sides to their life. The silence felt heavier for each moment. Regulus steeled himself, and jumped into it.

“I need help.”

Sirius continued to stare at him. “Help.”

“Yes, I -” It was almost as if he could feel the Mark itch, as it did when it was fresh. It was hidden underneath the shirt, but still Regulus tugged on the sleeve, trying to drag it further down. “I can’t – they’re- I can’t _do_ this- I’m sorry I just suddenly – but I - there’s no one else, all my- my friends are-” They would probably kill him if they found out, could he still consider them friends? What would they do when he left? “I- I can’t do this-”

“Reg. Calm down.” Sirius stepped closer. “You said you need help.”

“I- I need to leave. But if I do, they-”

“You want to _leave_?” Sirius actually sounded hopeful. As if he could barely believe his luck; that his brother had come here unannounced and dragged all this trouble along with him.

“Yes.” Regulus swallowed. “So I came _here_ , because there’s nowhere else, I’m so _sorry_ -”

Before he could finish the apology, Sirius had crossed the room and embraced him. Regulus suddenly found himself trapped in a hug so tight he could barely breathe. There had never been much physical affection in their family. Neither of their parents were affectionate people, and between siblings and cousins it had rarely extended past pats on the back or occasionally messing up each other’s hair. Regulus could feel the tears he’d pushed back for weeks threatening to spill over, but he hid his face against Sirius’ shoulder and blinked them back.

“They’re- they’re going to kill me.”

“They can _try._ ” Sirius sounded so _sure_ , as if he could protect Regulus against _all_ his former comrades. The way he’d so often protected him from mother’s temper, before he went off to Hogwarts and the sorting pushed them apart.

“We’ll find a way,” Sirius mumbled, “we’ll get you out, Reg, we got friends that can help-”

“Sirius, are you sure?”

Regulus had almost forgotten that Lupin was in the room. Sirius released the grip on him and Regulus could see his face again. His brother had not held back the tears; they were spilling over and running down his cheeks. When Sirius turned towards his partner, there was no trace of doubt in his voice. “Yes.”

Lupin took a deep breath, and put his wand down on the table. “Well, I trust your judgement. What about the rest of the Order?”

“We’ll convince them-”

“I- I haven’t killed anyone.” Regulus swallowed the ‘yet’. It was perhaps pure luck that it’ hadn’t come to that.

Sirius let out a bark of laughter. “Well, that works in your favour!”

Regulus tried to smile, but it felt more like a grimace. Maybe, just maybe there was a way out of the net he had been ensnarled in. Lupin shook his head. “What do we do, then?”

“First of all, we need to make sure you’re safe, Reg.” Sirius put a hand on his shoulder. “Does anyone know you came here?”

“No. Mother and father probably think I’m out fighting for _him_.”

“How long before they miss you?”

“Not sure.” Regulus had eaten supper together with his parents, waiting until they’d both retired to bed before he slipped out. The meal had been late and not up to the usual standards, since Kreacher was ill. He wondered if he could take the house-elf with him when he left. He’d miss him. But mother and father were the real masters of the house, and he wasn’t sure if Kreacher would even want to leave Grimmauld Place. He had been there longer than all of them; it was almost as if he was part of the house. “I don’t think they suspect me of – of having second thoughts”

“And when they find out …?”

There was worry in Sirius’ eyes. Regulus bit his lip. Mother and father weren’t above throwing curses at their own family, if they strayed from the right path. He’d witnessed it before Sirius ran off. He hadn’t managed to help back then, hadn’t dared stand up to them. More mistakes he had to make up for.

Lupin had started pacing around the room. “... who do we contact first? Dumbledore?”

“He _is_ our leader, and he’s more likely to listen than Moody-”

“Probably? A defected Death Eater could actually be an _asset_ to the Order.” Lupin turned to Regulus. “If you have information that could be useful or something-”

“I do.” They both looked at him. Regulus took a deep breath and continued: “You see, there’s this cave …”

**Author's Note:**

> Those cups were totally a present from their friends. 
> 
> Remus: "I’m still hurting after the moon, I'm terrified something’s happened to my boyfriend, and now his Death Eater-brother shows up at our door. I’ll take as much sugar as I want in my tea now, I bloody need it."


End file.
